Life is amazing and it has a way of showing us what we need in exactly the moment that we need it. The question is, are we going to be open to receive it? This week has been a whirlwind. It has swept me up and carried me from one emerging thing to another. This has to get sold. That has to get sent to donation. The other area has to get packed. I never touched bottom. Then I had an epiphany in the storm. Something made me take a moment to stop and evaluate. In everything I was doing, I was missing something. Trust.
It came to me when I wasn’t even looking for it. I wasn’t trusting myself, my family nor anything around me. I was cynical and always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even though our closing is scheduled a mere ten days away, a part of me does not feel the confidence to say, “Yes. We are definitely moving.”
I’m not sure what caused me to spiral down this protective mode, but I want out. I need to trust again, even if that makes me vulnerable. Many people speak on faith. There are two kinds, the spiritual and the belief. I’ve been called a doubting Thomas, and she was right. Organized religion scares me even though I do believe in God and Heaven. But what about faith as belief. Faith that things will work out. Somewhere along the line, I lost it or maybe I never had it.
2020 has been a year of discovery for me. I’ve tried new things. We have all experienced a new life, a new world emerging from Covid19. I’m facing incredible challenges and with them the universe is nudging me that it is time to have faith. Close my eyes and let go.
The lessons I am learning might cause me to stumble and get a few scrapes along the way, but that’s okay. I’m learning that an imperfect path is an acceptable way to get to my destination. With every challenge or mistake, I learn and get “rerouted” like the voice in my navigation system. I can make a wrong turn with the safety of knowing that something or someone will turn up and guide me back onto the path I am destined to be on.
Maybe it all comes down to heart. Listening to it. Letting it lead me. When I was a teenager, I buried my heart so deep I never let people I loved know that I loved them. It was too many years before I realized what I had done. How many opportunities had I missed? How many people had I hurt? It was the same for the things I did. Not giving it my all, not wanting to love it too much in case my efforts failed. Dancing, art…writing. I didn’t trust. I didn’t believe in myself.
Maybe this is what this year is all about. Metamorphosis. Shedding the old me and becoming something new.
Starting today the vision of me that I want to become is more loving, more open to what life provides and more trusting. Happiness is always there within our reach. We have to decide to welcome it into our hearts. Trust is one of the ways to let it in.
My sweet cousin is an incredible photographer. One of her posts resonated tremendously with me:
What else are we not doing in the world, simply because we didn’t realize it only took one person, me (or you) to make it possible. Her perspective makes it so easy to find the joy of dancing again. All you need is music. It has been right there in front of me all this time. I didn’t need lessons, or a venue or even scheduling time with a partner. I just needed to play music or listen to music, even a melody in my head would suffice.
Yet our minds, our habits and our inhibitions prevent us from seeing the truth that is out there. Dancing is just one example of something I loved that I needed to get back in touch with. Similar to so many other things that I had slowly built a wall up against due to excuses, fear or uncertainties.
Believe that we will be guided and provided with what we need. Our hearts, when we open them and let faith guide us, will lead us to our perfect path.
Thank you for taking a few moments out of your day to read this. I hope you have a beautiful and wonderful day and that you are able to do something that brings you joy. Sending you much love, from my smiling heart to yours.
-Photograph and caption provided by Griselda Tello Photography